Hospitality and Saying "No"
Sometimes when we are offering hospitality we have to tell a guest “no” in response to a request. It is11:14am (we close at 11:30am) and
a man walks in asking for a shower on a Tuesday (which is women’s shower day)
and he is told “no.” Fifty-one people have been served “socks and hygiene” and
a guest walks in and wants socks and hygiene items. The guest is told “no.” A
woman asks for a shower and a change of clothes on a Monday or a Thursday,
which are the days we do men’s showers, and so she is told “no.” Someone walks
into the house wanting a cup of coffee but it is 11:23am and so it is past “last
call.” This guest is told “no.”
Occasionally a guest will ask for a “special favor” just for him or her, maybe it is a coat on a day we don’t offer coats, or seconds on a meal when we don’t have enough for seconds for everyone, or perhaps a ride or maybe some money. For those kind of whispered special requests the answer is “no.” We say “no” to all sorts of requests.
Of course we find it difficult to say “no” so often. We want to help, or we wouldn’t be at Manna House. We want to meet pressing needs. We want the people we serve to be happy. We don’t want anyone to suffer from lack of needs being met.
But to keep practicing hospitality we have to say “no” because we have to recognize our limits in terms of time, resources, and energy. We can’t do it all. We’re human beings, not gods. We’re finite and frail. We cannot meet every need of every person who asks. We need rest and renewal. We need Sabbath.
Saying “no” also means we recognize the importance of boundaries in practicing hospitality. In order for hospitality to be practiced there has to be a place into which people can consistently be welcomed. There have to be boundaries of days and hours open (and closed), boundaries of expectations of respect for each other’s dignity as human beings, and boundaries as to how we have discerned with each other as volunteers and as guests the best way to offer hospitality as far as we know for now.
In light of our limits and the necessity of boundaries, we have to honestly admit we might have some less than noble reasons lurking inside of us when we desire to say “yes” to every request. If we say “yes” we will be liked, appreciated, and have our egos stroked. Saying “yes” can give a feeling of power, of “doing something”, of saving another person from the need.
So finally it is important to see that all of the answers of “no” make possible the enduring “yes” of offering hospitality. This hospitality is grounded in our humanity and God’s graciousness. This hospitality affirms the dignity of each person, guests and volunteers alike. This hospitality starts small and stays small so as to be on a human scale. This hospitality places persons above efficiency. This hospitality seeks to be consistent and ongoing, so people who have so much contingency and chaos in their lives, can depend upon a regular welcome and recognition of their dignity as human beings.
Sometimes when we are offering hospitality we have to tell a guest “no” in response to a request. It is
Occasionally a guest will ask for a “special favor” just for him or her, maybe it is a coat on a day we don’t offer coats, or seconds on a meal when we don’t have enough for seconds for everyone, or perhaps a ride or maybe some money. For those kind of whispered special requests the answer is “no.” We say “no” to all sorts of requests.
Of course we find it difficult to say “no” so often. We want to help, or we wouldn’t be at Manna House. We want to meet pressing needs. We want the people we serve to be happy. We don’t want anyone to suffer from lack of needs being met.
But to keep practicing hospitality we have to say “no” because we have to recognize our limits in terms of time, resources, and energy. We can’t do it all. We’re human beings, not gods. We’re finite and frail. We cannot meet every need of every person who asks. We need rest and renewal. We need Sabbath.
Saying “no” also means we recognize the importance of boundaries in practicing hospitality. In order for hospitality to be practiced there has to be a place into which people can consistently be welcomed. There have to be boundaries of days and hours open (and closed), boundaries of expectations of respect for each other’s dignity as human beings, and boundaries as to how we have discerned with each other as volunteers and as guests the best way to offer hospitality as far as we know for now.
In light of our limits and the necessity of boundaries, we have to honestly admit we might have some less than noble reasons lurking inside of us when we desire to say “yes” to every request. If we say “yes” we will be liked, appreciated, and have our egos stroked. Saying “yes” can give a feeling of power, of “doing something”, of saving another person from the need.
So finally it is important to see that all of the answers of “no” make possible the enduring “yes” of offering hospitality. This hospitality is grounded in our humanity and God’s graciousness. This hospitality affirms the dignity of each person, guests and volunteers alike. This hospitality starts small and stays small so as to be on a human scale. This hospitality places persons above efficiency. This hospitality seeks to be consistent and ongoing, so people who have so much contingency and chaos in their lives, can depend upon a regular welcome and recognition of their dignity as human beings.
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